It’s that time again! Meet the Exes Monday. I know I’m not the only one with some bad relationship experiences. And as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t want these to just be a spectator sport. So I want to thank one of the most hysterical people I know both online and in real life, Cajunvegan, for agreeing to play along.
“OMG! You’re totally dating a guy who looks like Johnny Castle. Swoon.”
That’s what all my friends said the first time ‘round. I was a senior in high school; he was a junior. I was his first rebound relationship after a lengthy tryst with a girl I have always referred to as Brillo. He wanted to make her jealous. I wanted to make my friends jealous. After I got drunker than Cooter Brown on my third or fourth date with him, my dad began referring to him as Strawberry Hill. We danced dirty for almost six months. I was nearly heartbroken when he decided to go back to Brillo.
Four years passed. I dated many others. I even fell in and out of love a few times. I would hear or see Strawberry Hill from time to time. He was in the Navy and no longer with Brillo. He would call me when he was home on leave, and we would see a movie or go out for dinner and drinks. I had decided he would always be a good friend long before this time and enjoyed seeing him without any pressure to be in a committed relationship or to put out and get hurt again.
About six months into 1993 and during my first year of teaching, he contacted me and told me he was out of the Navy and living in the same city as I was. He wanted to know if he could call me once and a while. Having just ended a relationship with a much younger guy who went on to commit suicide, I agreed because I needed a friend. Before long, Strawberry Hill became my rebound relationship. We were inseparable.
The second time ‘round I fell hard for him. Long before I would ever admit it, he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Because we spent more time together than apart, we decided to move into together to see if it was went to be. I learned most of his secrets, including that he had spent time in Leavenworth while in the Navy. He maintained that he had been set up by a bunk mate. Naively, I believed him because he had honorable discharge papers and a decent job as a truck driver with a steel company at this time. After we had been living together for about six months, our house was broken into and all of my jewelry was taken yet his two automatic pistols and our electronics were left untouched.
After I began to question why only my personal treasures were taken, things started to take a turn for the worse. We fought constantly. He would go out with his friends and not come back for two or three days at a time. I was told by some of my closest friends that he was cheating on me, yet I refused to believe it. He quit a great-paying job and moved out and back to our hometown to become a city cop. He told me that he would never marry me and did not love me. I was devastated.
After a lengthy pity part, I moved on. I dated others and soon learned that I deserved better and would find him someday. In 1996, I picked a Booger and moved to Las Vegas with him on a whim. Clearly it worked out pretty well as we eventually were married in true Las Vegas style. Not long after we moved here, I learned that Strawberry Hill had been fired from the police department for conduct unprofessional to a law enforcement officer. He had asked a 17-year-old female suspect to disrobe and conducted a strip search without a female officer present. How he is not a registered sex offender now is beyond me. And, yes, I checked on him while writing this post. Coincidentally, he popped up on my people you might know column of both Facebook and MySpace this week. I find it hysterical that he looks less like Johnny Castle these days and more like Chester the Molester. I never did like that damned goatee of his.
Oh, and ladies, Strawberry Hill is recently divorced, a single dad, and looking for a relationship. Come and get a taste of vintage 88. He’s been with a fucking fabulous banned book reader.
Tags: attitude, dating, guest blogger, Meet the Exes Monday, miss attitude
[...] Grab a bottle of Strawberry Hill and head over to Miss Attitude’s blog for the definitive answer. I am guest posting for Meet the Exes today. [...]
THAT is a fucking fabulous Meet the exe’s guest post!
This is why you are the queen! The big question is…did you add him as a friend? BWAHAHAHAHA
The Boog you picked is way better than any old bottle of Strawberry Hill!
Another reason to add to the ways Strawberry Hill makes me nauseous. (There may have been a few too many Boone’s Farm incidents early on in college).
Wow! This tops any of the loserville inhabitants I’ve dated — and I’ve dated a lot. Good gracious! You were fortunate.
OMG, and yet another reason to worship at the Altar of the Psycho Hose Beast… first time I got drunk – on the same Boone’s Farm Wine!! Oy, WTF were we thinking????