At what point do you consider him your boyfriend? When you drive hours to see each other? When he’s met your friends? Met your parents? Despite all of that Gator Boy was never truly my boyfriend, but because of all the drama I think he’s definitely an ex something.
When I first met Gator Boy nearly nine years ago, he should have been off limits. He was one of my closest friend’s exes (from college). She was dating someone else at the time and said she didn’t mind, but it always bothered me that I broke the girl code. I should have known he was going to be trouble from the very beginning. But boy there was some chemistry there.
GB lived a few hours away in another part of Florida and the first time I went to visit him, it definitely seemed like a dating situation. We hung out with his friends and had a great time. But being the ‘not want to be clingy’ type of girl I had double booked the trip and headed an hour away to see one of my friends for part of the weekend. We talked about catching up on my way back through town, but imagine my surprise when I didn’t hear from him again. He didn’t even return my calls, then eventually made up some lame excuse that the phone had been in the car and then the battery died.
After that I knew getting attached or expecting him to be my boyfriend was just plain dumb, so I managed a nice detachment and it became an on and off again kind of thing. I know some of you are wondering why I kept him around at all. Perhaps it was because I enjoyed having an equal partner in drunk dialing (and eventually drunk texting a few years later). Or maybe it was because I liked having a fallback guy. But ultimately I believe it was because I could be myself with him. We were equals intellectually and he wasn’t intimidated by me as many of the men I met were. In fact, he completely understood my career-driven lifestyle.
But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Fast forward a few years of this on and off again deal. He came to visit me on my birthday. He had just gotten fired and was planning to combine the time with a job search effort. We went out to dinner with a group of my friends, and most of them seemed to like him. We had a good time. But later that night, he told me he didn’t want to have sex with me, or with anyone for that matter, because he wanted to wait until he was in love. I can’t even tell you how angry I was. What kind of guy would say that to a girl? In her own bed? Seriously! Then when I couldn’t contain my temper and began to yell at him, he pulled out the whole I just lost my job and feel bad for me card. Cry me a river buddy!
So you’d think the story ended there. Nope. I’m that kind of sucker. A few months later he packed up and moved to Washington, D.C. We continued to have phone conversations. Once he even told me he regretted what he’d said, and that he’d definitely have sex with me next time. I told him there would never be a “next time” for that, and am pleased to tell you I never caved.
But I did agree to have dinner with him when I went up to Baltimore to visit my parents. We went out to dinner with them, and only after I specifically told my dad that he was not my boyfriend and warned him not to treat. But my dad is too generous for that and paid. I was irrationally angry, and told GB he better buy my parents some drinks when we went to a sports bar afterword. And he did. Along with flirting with our Gator gear wearing waitress. Grrr! Then when we decided to leave the bar, I kept waiting for him to ask me to do something else. He didn’t. So I said thanks, gave him a hug and got into my parent’s car even though I’d driven there with him. My dad said I should give the guy a break. That he’d driven an hour to come see me and that should count for something. Nope, I thought. I’m done.
Of course I wasn’t. The on and off again phone calls continued. The promises to meet up did as well, but never materialized. In 2007 he moved to Orlando, the closest we’d ever lived to one another. I thought for sure we’d at least get to hang out more and see if it was worth continuing to talk. But nothing ever happened. Then last year in January he sent me a random e-mail. “did you call me the other night?” was all it said. I thought well if I had, why wouldn’t you call me back instead of writing a lame e-mail like this. Eventually I responded and we had a brief exchange with me asking why he hadn’t bothered to see me in all the time he’d been living in Orlando. And that’s when I got a response I hadn’t been expected.
He got married. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t bothered to tell me. It’s not that I held any irrational hopes that we’d be together forever. But how he could propose, get engaged and married without bothering to say a word? And why would his first communication ask if I’d called? His behavior was inexcusable. And I know I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. I should have expected he’d manage to hurt my feelings again.
The last I know is he was riding off into the sunset with his wife on horseback. Or at least that’s what his Facebook profile showed. Gator Boy inspired the My love-hate relationship with Facebook contiues post last winter. And no, I still haven’t friended him thankyouverymuch.
Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude
Tags: attitude, dating, friends, gators, Meet the Exes Monday, miss attitude
Wow. That is some story. It makes me first offwant to give you a big hug. I would tell you that you are far better off without him but I’m sure you already know that. What kind of guy lays in your bed and tells you no sex because he lost his job? To me that is a good reason to HAVE sex! You have had some lame exe’s but geeze I think he takes the cake. I’m curious why your friend broke up with him. Whatever…… you are far better off without him. This is an excellent post.
Wow. You are far better off. What a loser! Don’t friend him EVAH!
XOXO
um…. you mean riding off on his ass disguised as a horse, right?
…Further proof that you are entirely too spectacular for just any man.
Girl, I have been there before, hell I’m there right now. I’m not sure what it is but even the smartest of women can become sidetracked. I’m having the same scenario- we met on a plane, exchanged numbers, he asked me out I blew him off. I finally said yes, we had dinner while he was still in town. I blew him off again afterwards (but made out with him all through dinner). He would fly me to NYC all of the time to spend any weekend he had free with him. I’ve met his best friends and we all liked each other. He has taken me to his work events and it definitely seemed like “as his girlfriend”. He’s invited me to his parents home and then he says to me that he was not ready for a relationship becuase he was just getting out of one (which ended 3 years a go). Like you, Miss ‘Tude, the saga continues and continues and he is the reason I have a disdain of facebook. I deleted him from ym friends list but yet, I drunk dial him to no end. I deleted his number to stop drunk dialing now I drunken email from my blackberry. We are still on good terms, speak weekly, broke off the “sex” part back in January and haven’t seen each other since. But I see him in a few weeks and I have no idea what to expect. Is he going to try something intimate? I’ll honestly be livid if he doesn’t. who knows whats going to happen. I like mystery but not this kind of mystery.
Good luck. Maybe we should exchange numbers and drunk dial each other when we need to
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