Editor’s note: I wrote this post a few months ago, but decided against hitting publish. Several times. I guess despite becoming a bad example of “He’s Just Not That Into You“, I was still holding onto grand delusions he couldn’t resist my fantabulous self!
Plus, I guess I was a little nervous he or someone he knows might read this. But after having my feelings hurt repeatedly I decided, what the hell? It’s time to move on, and what better way then to bury it in my therapeutic Meet the Exes posts? Now, there’s obviously more to this story, and maybe we’ll save that for another time. So let’s start near the beginning.
I’ve written and re-written the title for the post half a dozen times, and most of the the good ones involve bad words. I’m finally ready to talk about what sparked the why don’t men come with their own handbooks post. First, I want to preface this by saying I know in the whole scheme of things this isn’t a huge deal. But it was a rough week, and I was enjoying looking forward to something fun. But it ended in disappointment and frustration. I guess I better explain before I lose you.
I pride myself on not being girlie when it comes to dating. In fact, most of the times I’m more like the dude. I didn’t start out that way, but enough disappointments along the way and I learned how to thicken my skin. I don’t get mad if a guy talks to me but doesn’t ask for my number. I don’t over-romanticize that flings will turn into everlasting love, or any of that nonsense.
But every once in a while I get hooked. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I know I’m screwed. Like when not only I am attracted to how he looks, but there’s an honest too goodness intellectual connection too. And my crush on him has evolved to the point where I just say what comes to mind, without the filter you know you need when talking to boys.
Well in this most recent case, the boy and I had a one hour conversation on the phone (including him talking about how he’d only seen me once last week and asking what exactly my schedule was) and made plans to get drinks the following night.
Not to go into too many details, but he was heading about an hour away for something in the morning. He would call when he got back into Tampa late in the afternoon and we’d plan from there. He gave me an estimated time, but I already know he’s not the most punctual person so I didn’t pay too much attention to the time.
So I go about my day. I head out with a friend for lunch and shopping. I come back home and do some laundry and chores around the house. Then the next thing I know it’s 8 p.m. and nothing. No phone call, no text. Nothing. Fast forward to the next day. Still no phone call, no text. Fast forward a few more days. Still nothing. Nothing. Now mind you, this is someone I will have to see again. He knows he will have to see me.
Why didn’t he just have the decency to just call me and tell me he had other plans? I’m a big girl. I can handle it. At this point, I think he’d even had the nerve to make something up, anything. Even a lame text canceling would have been better than this deafening silence.
At first, I thought something happened to him. But of course I realized that was the girlie explanation to make myself feel better. I mean, why would he stand me up? Then once I faced the reality he did indeed stand me up, I thought well he’ll at least call and offer up some lame excuse. But he hasn’t.
Not only are my feelings are hurt, but I’m extremely disappointed. He honestly seemed like a nice guy, with good manners. I’m quite sure he was raised better than to treat a woman this way. And the thing is he’s not stupid, in fact he’s very intelligent. So why did he opt for this route?
If he wasn’t interested he did a good job of faking it on the phone, because I honestly don’t know many grown men who enjoy talking on the phone that long *heck I don’t usually even talk on the phone that long!) Or who end the conversation by making plans when they have no intention of following through.
And if the answer is something as cliche as he’s just not that into me, then so be it. I deserved an explanation. I deserved to be treated better than that. I hate to believe after all these years of being single I haven’t learned any lessons about dating, or that I’m still that bad judge of character.
I have no idea what I will even say to him when I see him, because I’m still so pissed. Though I did manage to write this post, finally, without describing him using all the unflattering terms going through my mind.
Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude
Tags: attitude, dating, meet the exes, Meet the Exes Monday, miss attitude, single
You know by now exactly what I think of this situation.
YOU do NOT deserve to be treated this way. No one does.
YOU have every right to be upset by him standing you up the way he did, people don’t treat people that way, it’s just rude.
“….what better way then to bury it in my therapeutic Meet the Exes posts?” This is EXACTLY where he should be.
*hugs*
Well I think, knowing the whole situation, I think you were very nice in this post. Of course if you explained how much of an a$$ he really was you would be writing for a very long time.
Like you have told me before you are wonderful caring, beautiful, basically AWESOME person, he was lucky to even have you talk to him. Let him stay in the F—ing cave!!!!
LOVE YOU!
whether we are enlightened, post-liberated or what, we are girls. we are human. our expectations bubble up like carbonation when a good-looking, intellectually compatible man shows interest. and espeiclaly when you are as kind, interesting and attractive a gal as you! so of course, you are disappointed. glad you are not ashamed and were brave enough to share it. everyone has been through this (my, GOD… look at poor elin woods!)
tell him he’s a cad. take the reins and hold him up to the light. then show him nothing but faint disgust. nothing brings a guy around faster than when you have the upper hand and use it … across his face! but in this case, you don’t want a guy like this around (well, maybe you thought you did, but you really don’t).
you will heal, dear! good thing it only stung but didn’t crush you.
Thank you ladies for all of your support. I appreciate it!
I hope this a giant step in your getting this guy out of your head. You deserve so much better and he is so not worth your time or effort.