Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I’m gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
It’s official. Another one of my exes is married. A source tells me the deed is done and Ketchup Boy is wearing a wedding band. I’ve actually known for a couple of weeks and have been processing what this information means to me. Let’s face it the dude was not one that got away by any means. The fear of ketchup, hell of anything new and different was downright annoying. And let’s not even talk about that 20-year-old toothbrush! Wait, maybe we should talk about it. I wonder if his wife managed to throw that disgusting thing away.
Wait, his wife? That is so weird to type, let alone say out loud. According to my source, wifey poo is older than him, and apparently well enough off that he will not have to work. And I heard a rumor they were moving to Florida, not Tampa thank goodness, but still this is a man who’s never lived anywhere other than Memphis his entire life– including during college.
But this post isn’t really about him. It’s really about the fact that another one of my exes is married and I’m still single. As I approach my 35th birthday (yikes I hate to even type that number) I’ve been wondering more and more if marriage is in the cards for me any time soon. I’m still in no hurry, but let’s face it I’m not getting any younger. And it appears I’ve spent most of my dating career preparing men for the women they’re going to marry.
Fortunately this one didn’t marry the first girl he dated after me, like many of my other exes. He apparently dallied with a married woman first before finding this dream wife. Wait, that sounded catty. It’s really not the point. The point is I’m beginning to feel a bit un-marriable if you will. I live alone and I like it that way. I answer to only myself. I’m not willing to settle. PERIOD. And I certainly don’t want to kiss any more frogs.
I’m not sure there are many princes decent guys left out there. (At least single and straight ones!) Then again, who knows? Maybe someone will prove me wrong.
Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude
Tags: dating, marriage, meet the exes, miss attitude, single
20 year old toothbrushes and people who won’t try new things are definitely a waste of time for you!
There are decent guys out there, I wish I could box one up and send him to you!
Bottom line: you just haven’t met the right guy.
I am in the same boat – most of the guys I dated seriously ended up marrying their next girlfriend. I know I have helped some be able to get to that point and I often wondered why I couldn’t reap the rewards after having given so much. The answer every time has been: because he wasn’t the right guy for me. I have faith that I’ll meet the right one eventually, but if not, I do like living on my own. a lot.
Hang in there, your prince will come. You are doing the best thing by not settling. You will be happier in the long run.
There is someone better out there for you. However, your pretty great so that makes it hard :). Don’t settle, you deserve the best!!!
Hey Miss A.
The thing is, however you look at things and whatever anyone out there tells you, you absolutely DO have to settle /compromise in some ways. It’s just that you have to set your priorities straight. I dated this guy who has in the meantime become a published author. He was fantastic, romantic, poetic, spontaneous, brilliant mind, (really yum body .. ahem), the intellectual in a bottle. He drove me BONKERS with how unbelievable disorganized he was. Turns out, he could handle the highest spheres of thought but not a screwdriver and/or dayplanner to save his life. Next was the super sweet, calm, fabulous with cars inside and out person, educated but super handy. Guess what – his problem, he was kind of boring (too sweet too calm — my grandma loved him a lot, so if that’s any indication ….. yep. I certainly did not.) Then there was the dude who was super FUN but my mother hated him (guess why) — no commitment from his part. Then the super awesome man of about 10 years older than me who adored me and wanted to build his world around me. At my then younger age, I just wasn’t ready for it and got spooked entirely (plus, he didn’t like that I’m just so darn social, he wanted me all for himself. UGH. So clingy, no…?) Then the guy my age, a good friend and co-worker, incidentally, from a fantastic family and background, fascinating people, all of them (including him) but who was just slightly too immature emotionally — such a sweet boy he was… but I needed more. Then there was the guy who at a younger age (3 years my junior) was nonetheless extremely accomplished professionally, had the street And the book smarts, is incredibly driven, organized, efficient, a good friend, a great chef, a Fun Guy all around. His thing — emotional unavailability. The day my grandmother who raised me he Drove Out Of Town (to visit his dad. So not a big deal. It’s a family thing also. His family. Totally acceptable otherwise.) But, you know, 99% of everyone I know was there for me throughout it all, keeping me sane through two days and two nights of packing for Europe, listening to me ramble and bawl and laugh and scream and handing me paper tissue and holding my hand, if nothing else. I had to be brave for him and put a nice smile on, like nothing happened, coz he believes one should “make yourself happy” and “change your attitude” to no matter what comes your way. Which I did happily for 5 years, every time he announced a decision to go and do something (without me), I just understood that the very drive I mentioned above and passion and skills and curiosity and having to feed his brilliant mind were behind it, not that he didn’t really want to spend time with me. Which he says he did. (And I don’t disagree.) But I just wasn’t his first priority and probably wouldn’t be slated to be either, had we continued. Please feel free to laugh, but I’m somehow missing the adoring guy above who doted on me stubbornly with such fiery passion, I still get goosebumps. And now I am with the guy I am most likely going to marry. (Yep. Actually wrote that down. Gulp.) Now because he’s some fantastic prince charming of a fairytale man. But because finally, my wants and needs and priorities and desires and fantasies and plans and whatever else you might like to add here, FINALLY, F-I-N-A-L-L-Y, align with those of the other person. Well. Somewhat. As in, better than before. I’ve grown through a lot of stages and people and things and have managed to clarify some stuff in my head and heart. Like, 10 years ago if you asked about my priority, I could have given you a technical list that I can tell you did not actually apply when push came to shove. I thought the last one was perfect, we had a house and a financial portfolio and were planning to open a business together, that’s how perfectly in-sync we are about how we organize stuff. But I tell you, the day my grandmother died, it all ENDED. Went up in flames. And smoke. It was beautiful. I remembered all of the things that make for great literature that we’d been through — good, bad, fabulous, horrible, deaths, weddings, travels, etc, and nothing seemed to mattered. Like, at all. Zilch. Nada. I couldn’t feel a darn thing. (Multiple sclerosis of the mind. Temporary paralysis of the heart.) The only question that’s been on my mind since 10-Nov-10 is WTF. And if you’re wondering, I did say, oh that’s ok, you don’t have to come to Europe with me and my family, diff language, foreign customs, it’s all overwhelming, I realize, so it’s perhaps better for you if you just stick to your plan you made last month and go visit your dad, it would make me happy to know you’re happy … but could you perhaps leave, say, instead of today, on Friday, so you take care of me for the next two days and then drive there after you drop me off at the airport —- to which he replied, “what, change my plans for you???” — and that was that. I realized it wasn’t the first time but there was a pattern, I had just refused to see what was going on and kept saying that he’s so fantastically awesome and we’re so perfect and this and that — but then, right then, BAM, the light went on. (Sorry, I realize I’m rambling, but I DO have a point and I AM getting to it. Sometime. And excuse me if I sound selfish, but this is rather cathartic in a sense…) Oh, and the last strike, I even went and set up a counselling session for us, where he announced that he no longer desires to be in this relationship because he’s not having fun (but let’s work with the good things, what about 5 years’ worth of effort and beautiful fantastic awesome memories we built together — who cares, he said) — oh, and and — “nobody’s perfect but we’re a great team, so let’s work with that, the things we like about each other, and improve the other ones”, to which he said 1. he doesn’t know what he likes/d about me and 2. there is nothing actually to like. The End.
So my point. The new guy. The one I’m going to marry. He’s my best friend. Actually. Yep. (Cliché?) He’s been through a lot, including the “sorry, we’re going to have to thin out our communication, so it is not imposing on my actual personal relationship with the BF”, to which he said, of course, it’s only normal on the scale of priorities, I appreciate that. He’s sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet to no end (I pushed him away as spineless and a stalker when he did confess his love of me years ago.) And like a perfect Catch-22, all the negative traits I saw in him, only made me look for more negatives to bash him about. Which he’s been bearing (and grinnning about) admirably. (see, spineless stalker, clearly.) He is the last one’s antithesis in 1. ORGANIZATION (total slob — sorry, organized chaos -type, he say) — remember, my no. 1 priority from years ago was just this), 2. DRIVE (while the other one is flying high in his career (that I helped with btw), the new one is like meh about corporate ladders and talking heads. But someone recently pointed out his drive For Years was to get me and keep me, even as a friend, whatever I needed, whenever, etc, so hey. Apparently I’ve been looking at things wrong. So in a marvellous twist of this plot, either I was wrong before, or I am wrong now. (now that I’ve stopped refusing to allow him to dote on me hand and foot, and envelop me in warmth and love and all that mooshy kwap (excuse me.) and work together on projects and maybe help each other with our respective weaknesses and short-comings (didn’t you hear, there’s nothing to like about me, so hey, apparently I need all the help I can get.)
Or Maybe The Truth Is Somewhere in the Middle. Like, maybe this yin and yang thing actually works.
As in, we share some similarities. And we’re also opposite in some ways. So maybe, just maybe, finally, f-i-n-a-l-l-y, as I already said, my priorities and needs and wants, are starting to come a bit clearer into the picture of who I am, where I am going and who’s going to help me get there. And I can do the same for them. Imagine that.
So my point — (yes, we’re there) — you’re not at all un-marriable, how did you ever come up with up, please don’t even think about it that way (it’s pretty funny, really — not that I would ever laugh @you, I just think it’s the kind of bitter sweet piece of frustration that oodles out of someone who’s had enough bad experience to post them on a blog…. thanks, btw, for it, you write beautifully ! Funny, witty, with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Mmmmm my favourite recipe, hold the fries.)
You’re just (may I assume and judge as an outsider) perhaps not quite settled as to what you may like to offer. You really love your singledom (and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that). I’m one of those people who’s always attached (idem). People like us freak each other out. My sister’s like you and for years we’ve been looking at each other to analyize and poke and prod :)) You don’t want to waste time and effort on someone who’s going to rip your heart out and feed to the pigs. Understood. I (as masochistic as that sounds) prefer to share everything, good or bad — coz in the end it all makes for life lessons and hey, at least I wasn’t alone. Both approaches are acceptable, just opposite. Not a big deal. So you may want to think what a person like you needs (coz if you’re with someone like me, I’m super needy and clingy and smothering, apparently), which you may not really like (assumingly, remember — I apologize again if I sound off the bat). And the people you meet, they’re all like that. Who knows, Ketchup dude needed some cougar lady to tickle the curiosity out of him. Now that he doesn’t have to work, he can explore stuff he never thought of. As long as he completes her (are you going YUK now — coz the true yin and yang’s actually bring complete each other, please note) in whatever way she was lacking, and enjoy some stuff together as well to form a strong core, good job to them. (I’m a huge germophobe so I would have RUN AWAY as soon as he even mentioned the toothbrush — I think you behaved very ladylike and you have my admiration for sticking around for as long as you did. Oh, and I am hugely adventuresome so the ketchup part … but nah, I would have been gone after the toothbrush, and kept running for the woods. Where you find newer sticks off trees, btw, to scrub your plaque off with. Just sayin.’)
Anyhoo. I think/hope you get what I’m saying. You’re beautiful, you’re young, and if you don’t believe me, here’s all the proof you need : You’re Still Unsettled !!!!!!!!!!!!! What more do you want as logical evidence that you are still WILD at heart (and body ? and mind ? and soul ?) Listen, the only settling there will be is of your own self. When you don’t push boundaries anymore with yourself, THEN you’ll be old. But hopefully, by then you’ll have found the person who helps you move successfully down your life-path, so that won’t be an issue any longer (another priority of the young life that will be pushed down a list of groceries, bills, work, family commitments, growing family, ailing parents, socials etc etc etc)
Thanks a million for your blog and just as many apologies if this comment went overboard.
Judging by how clearly and beautifully you lay down your thoughts, you’ve got nothing to worry.
All the best
AS
Thank you so much for reading the blog & your very thoughtful response. I’m happy you found someone you deserve and deserves you. BTW the toothbrush was so disgusting I wanted to run for it lol