I’ve decided to share one of my worst habits. I say I’m sorry constantly, and I can’t stop. I say it when someone bumps into me. I say it when I can’t do something somebody wants me to do. I say it as an automatic reflex. And the thing is I’m not sorry. I’m not apologizing. I have nothing to apologize for. But yet those two words fly out of my mouth constantly. It’s so annoying. So why can’t I stop.
One of my favorite linguistics authors Deborah Tannon told Ms. Magazine, “Women tend to say “I’m sorry” more than men, and women even put themselves down for it: “What’s wrong with me? Why am I always apologizing?” I point out that they often use “I’m sorry” not as an apology but as an expression of caring: “I’m sorry that happened.”
According to Women’s Health @Suite101.com, “Studies show that women are more likely to apologise then men. Between men and women, men find apologies distancing (if you need to apologise to someone, it means you’re not close friends) whereas, as a gender, women are programmed to build relationships and saying ‘sorry’, is often a way for them to cement relations say psychologists.”
“Often, women don’t say ‘sorry’ just to be forgiven. Apologising comes almost unconsciously to some women, who say ‘sorry’ just like saying ‘hello’ or ‘good bye’. In fact, non-apologetic phrases like ‘excuse-me’ and even ‘please’ are being replaced by ‘sorry’.”
So why can’t I just say pardon me or excuse me? Or why can’t I just end a sentence without it? I notice I say it at work a lot, and my immediate supervisor always says, “you have nothing to be sorry about” or “it’s not your fault.” And the thing is, I know that. I just can’t seem to break the I’m sorry habit.
But I’m going to work on it. Does anybody have any suggestions? I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment below or e-mail me at missattitude@missattitude.us.
Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude
That is a tough one. It’s hard to break a habit like that. Ifind it interesting that the one magazine states that if you are close friends you don’t have to say you are sorry. I have never actually thought about that before. However after thinking about it it’s very true. I wish you luck with breaking the habit. Another excellent post.
It is a hard habit to break. I do it too. Good luck breaking the habit!
XOXO
I have no idea what to tell you, i’m sorry. hehe! just kidding.
Just try and think about it next time and think would that person say i’m sorry to you and if not try not to say, they are not worth those two words.
Funny, but I do tend to say excuse me more than I’m sorry. Wonder if it is a gender thing?
When you figure it out, let me know.
I’m sorry.
I got nothing to help out here — it’s a thing with me too.
Notice I did NOT say the s-word. Progress.
I have that problem too, but the more I think about what I’m saying the less I’ve said it. I think consciousness of it is the first step.
Ironically, my brothers are the “worst” people I know at this. I tease them that they have substituted sorry for a period on their sentences. I wish I had a secret for changing it… I’d pass it on to them as well.
Having said all of that, like I tell them… if that’s your biggest problem… you’re in pretty good shape
I say ‘I’m sorry’ a lot too. I spent a lot of time with British people and the habit became ridiculous.
You could give this up for lent?
I have a habit of doing this too. Especially when I am in a new relationship. I say sorry about everything, and when people tell me I am doing it… I say sorry lol.
I think I was born saying it. it was probably my first word and I can’t seem to stop. People tell me to stop and like the others before me I don’t know how. I’m sorry…I can’t stop, but I want too. Good Luck!!!
That’s so funny that you write this. I was just told the other night that I say sorry far too much. I realize that as a business women I really need to just cut it. They say that if a man was late to a meeting he sits down and says “okay, let’s start” whereas a women walks through the door saying that she’s sorry and giving reasons or excuses. Why do we do this to ourselves?
So, I was just told that I say sorry to much. I’m in the same boat. I pride myself in being assertive. Yet, when I bump into someone I say oops or I’m sorry. My biggest weakness is when I bring someone to my house. I say sorry about the mess. But it is not messy and I’m not sorry. I just say it. Even if my house were immaculate I would say it.
I’m going to make a conscious effort to listen to myself. See how often I really do say it.