I’ve been thinking a lot about my love life, or lack thereof, lately. Sometimes when I’ve gone a while without dating, and am not quite ready to get back in the game I spend time rehashing past relationships. Sometimes it’s just to remind myself why I prefer being single, while other times it’s just for pure entertainment. Today I want to talk about Ketchup Boy. I started dating him, shortly after moving to Memphis.
Ketchup Boy, or KB for short, was very stuck in his ways, particularly for a man in his early 30s. KB only wanted to go to the same bars and restaurants; he never wanted to try anything different. He always ordered pizza the same way, with pepperoni and sausage. It didn’t matter that I had to pick off the sausage every time. Okay, not totally true. He actually ordered just pepperoni ONCE. But the change bothered him so much, he went right back to ordering it his way and watching me pick off the sausage. As for his hamburgers, KB ordered them plain. He actually was afraid of putting ketchup on his burger. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you this. He didn’t have an aversion to tomatoes or an allergy. He was afraid of trying ketchup on his burger. Afraid, I tell you!
I’ll get to more on the ketchup in a minute, but first I have to tell you about the toothbrush. I actually found this out before we started dating, and I still dated him. KB has had the same toothbrush since he was in high school. Seriously, the SAME toothbrush! It’s disgusting! I’m a total germ freak, and actually try to make myself forget a story I once saw about how germs from the toilet spread to your toothbrush just from being in the bathroom together.
So you can imagine my dismay to this confession. I have a vague recollection of him admitting to sterilizing it with boiling water once in a while, but honestly it’s hard to be sure. He said the reason was he liked that toothbrush so much and couldn’t find one with bristles quite like that. But I knew better. This man didn’t like change of any kind, not even involving a toothbrush. I kept telling him how disgusted I was by the toothbrush, but it didn’t matter. One of his friends, the one who actually introduced us, learned about it when I did. We taunted him mercilessly, but to no avail. I was so tempted on several occasions to throw that disgusting thing out. But I knew if I did, we would be through. I’m not exaggerating.
When he did break up with me, yes you read right he broke up with me, I had a fleeting thought of throwing it out as a parting gift. Not only would he remember me forever, I’d be doing his teeth a big favor! Although in his defense, he didn’t have any cavities. But I digress. I’m working my way back to the fear of ketchup. He broke up with me because he knew I was going to move back to Tampa. I hadn’t made the decision yet, but it was obvious to him how unhappy I was, and that my life was here. And when we had “the talk” he admitted he didn’t want to invest any more in the relationship to only get his heart broken. When I tried to question the logic KB asked, and I’m paraphrasing here though I wish I’d written down the quote, what did I expect from a guy who’s afraid of ketchup?
Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude
P.S. I also want to thank LaLa and Gabizmom for their fabulous guest blogs. If you haven’t had a chance to read their posts from Saturday and Monday, please check them out! I hope both ladies will share again.
That toothbrush reminds me of a Seinfeld episode!
I would have thrown the toothbrush out on him before leaving and had a case of ketchup delivered to his residence after I left every month for year!
I like to use old toothbrushes to scrub things like grout and tile in the bathroom and kitchen. But I think even that one is too disgusting to use for such a chore.
Afraid of ketchup. I’d hate to see how he reacted to mustard… ooooooh!
I once had a pair of old tighty-whiteys that had more holes than fabric, just couldn’t part with them. I don’t know why. It’s not like they were comfortable. Maybe they were the first pair ever removed from my body by a girl. IDK. Weird.
My wife threw them away a few times, but I managed to stumble across them and make a recovery. Whew!
Eventually they went away. I don’t know if I finally gave into my wife’s teasing or if she just managed to hide them really well at the bottom of the trash. In the end it doesn’t really matter because I didn’t care that they were gone. The only thing I missed was the teasing, the game that I was having with my wife over a pair of men’s underwear with less fabric than one of her thongs.
I don’t particularly like change, but sometimes some changes a person won’t accept should be thrust upon them. Life is change.
You should have thrown out the toothbrush. If for no other reason than to start this guy on his much needed therapy.
-dr
I wish I’d thought of that Topsurf!
And no mustard either Citizen Jane. He ate all burgers plain, thought KB never confessed to being afraid of the mustard;)
Ugh…those damn underwear would not stay dead! I did finally manage to get rid of them though!
I have things that I don’t like to change or get rid of, but old toothbrushes need to be chucked or turned into cleaning tools.
You need a man with a new toothbrush who will eat ketchup, mustard, onions, tomatoes and lettuce on his burgers!
XOXO
Amen sister to all of the above!
LOL!
Ewwww!! You’re much better off without Ketchup Boy around, he sounds pretty bland.
To me, what sucks is not how afraid of change he was, but how he had to dominate with his opinions and preferences (ex. pizza). That kind of behavior really escalates over time until you can’t wear this or that. I think you dodged a bullet.
I wish I had known you girls years ago, I’m developing a whole new appreciation for the female psyche! I think I may be a little afraid of my wife now… what could she be thinking!
Of course, years ago you were all cheerleaders and I don’t even want to think what you might have been thinking then….
okay you never told me that story. that is hilarious. damn, i wish you would have told me we could have played some funny jokes on him, before you left.
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