Life is a struggle. There, I’ve admitted it. Sometimes I try so hard to put up a front so no one knows how tough it is sometimes. There are weeks that I can’t afford to buy groceries.
This is not something I’m proud to admit. In fact, I can’t even believe I’m writing it here on the blog. I work so hard for everyone to see how just how successful I am. I don’t want people to know that often times when I say I’m fabulous, I’m really ready to run into the bathroom and break down in tears.
I know there are many out there who have worse problems than me, and I often try to remind myself. But that doesn’t stop the stress and anxiety that gnaw away day in and day out. I went from being an executive producer at the number one TV station in Tampa and buying my own condo to bankruptcy and pending foreclosure in a matter of six years. Something I hate admitting even more.
My ego gets in the way. Period. Recently, I’ve come to realize just how much. And you might think I’m crazy for putting all of this out there. But the time I wrote about what it felt like to be unemployed, I wound up in “Marie Claire” magazine. But more importantly than a few seconds of fame was the impact my story had on people. People emailed me and said they could relate. They were feeling many of things I was feeling but were afraid to speak up.
There is no shame in losing your job or jobs in my case. Most of us probably know this logically, but in our heads it’s another ballgame. I don’t want to rehash a lot of my financial struggles, especially for those of you who have been following my blog for a long time. But something inspired me today to share more of my recent story, actually more like someone.
As some of you know, I’m an independent Arbonne consultant. In fact, I was recently promoted to district manager. I started this side business to supplement my income as a small business owner. Some people in my life have been extremely supportive. Others have not. And many still don’t really know what it is I do or why I’m doing it.
I love the products, but I won’t go on and on about them. While I love them and my amazing discount, I thought this business would help me enjoy some of the things in life I want to enjoy without ending up with less than a dollar in the bank by the middle of the month.
In the past few months, I’ve encountered a lot of rejection. And if you know me at all, “no” is not a word I like to hear. Sometimes I can’t even work myself up to talk to people about this amazing opportunity I’ve been given because I’m worried about what they will think of me. I think I know all of the reasons they will give me of why they don’t want to even sample my products or host a workshop with a few of the girlfriends.
The truth is, none of that matters. What matters is how I feel about myself. I’ve given myself a vehicle to change my life. (Did I mention when you promote to regional vice president you get a white Mercedes???) I have a gift to offer. After my fall or two newsroom management positions– though not by any fault of my own– I haven’t felt as empowered as I used to be. Now someone has made me realize I am.
I had my first opportunity to meet Arbonne Executive National Vice President Christy Dreiling. I’ve seen her pictures, read her stories and watched videos of her, but nothing and I mean nothing, can replace how I felt when I met her and heard her speak at a big event we have this weekend. The words beautiful and stunning don’t even do her justice. She positively glows. She lights up a room.
I’ll admit I was bit awestruck. At one point I was in the bathroom when she walked in, and I even waited for her to finish so I could talk to her again. I’m not a stalker, I swear. And I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying meeting her made my day.
So at the end of our event, I was determined (like a groupie!) to get a few more minutes in, even though dozens of the women on my team were lined up to meet her. And when I did, you know what she told me? That I am someone who lights up a room. That I am someone who belongs up there speaking, sharing my story and inspiring women. And you know what? She’s right. The funny thing is, I’ve know that all along. But someone along the way, my wounded ego has gotten in the way. Well guess what, ego? Not any more!
P.S. If you live in the Tampa area, you can meet Christy for yourself. Please be my guest at the Tampa Convention Center tomorrow (Saturday) at 7 p.m. Did I mention you can win free products?